One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don\'t clean it up too quickly.- Andy Rooney
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.- Andy Rooney
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we do not make any big ones.- Andy Rooney
Vegetarian - that is an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.- Andy Rooney
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We do not need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.- Andy Rooney
The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.- Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.- Andy Rooney
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.- Andy Rooney
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.- Andy Rooney
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.- Andy Rooney
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.- Andy Rooney
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.- Andy Rooney
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.- Andy Rooney
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.- Andy Rooney
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.- Andy Rooney
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