Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.- Phyllis Diller
You know you are old if your walker has an airbag.
You know you are old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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What I do not like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
The reason women do not play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
