If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?- Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
If you can't hear me, it's because I am in parentheses.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
I am writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I am writing a book. I have got the page numbers done.
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
