To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one most not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.- Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
What if nothing exists and we are all in somebody's dream?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
To you I am an atheist; to God, I am the Loyal Opposition.
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you do not have.
